A Wonderful Thing to be Said
‘Tis a wonderful thing to be said,
To be tired and sore and dead,
To be happy and full and fed,
To read and read till you’ve read,
Enough to fill up your head.
‘Tis a wonderful thing to be said,
That it’s time to go to your bed.
-M.M.
Botched
Have a date gray!
I sent to may . . .
Or meant to say. . .
Have a great day!
I know you will find success:
You are the stoon amongst Mars,
The seagull high above the tarlings,
The breath of ought hair in a wheezing frinter.
—I just can’t seem to get it out properly. . .
I low low whatever knife you need, I will always be proud to nay I sew you—
Say I knew you!
It’s just that…
Congraduations.
-M.M.
Interim
My heart at the door.
My bag on the floor.
My library books in a bin.
My schedule is signed.
My future designed.
Now I wait for my life to begin.
For the Want of Water
For the want of water
The servant of the queen
Desired of her mistress
To quench her thirsting distress
From the fountain of the queen.
The queen was proud and proper
And prudently could not
Deem her silly servant
To stir the waters fervently
Meant solely for the queen.
Bowing with humility
The servant left the scene,
Retiring to her quarters
With the other royal porters
Who served the selfish queen.
Later, when the sun was high
The queen was feeling parched,
And thought to take her royal cup
To pause and draw the water up
From the fountain of the queen.
When she dipped her cup beneath
The surface of the cool,
There sounded a resounding crack
Which found the water spreading black
Across the courtyard of the queen.
She never drew her water,
For she could not command
—As the water drained away
Until the fountain empty lay—
The water to her hand.
-M.M.
Accolades
All great awards and accolades
Darken, as their glory fades,
And with the ticking of the clock,
The walls regale with silent talk,
The stories time has ceased to tell,
Of heroes, who had triumphed well,
Till memories are overlooked,
Overdrawn and underbooked,
The legends turned to legacy,
The name preserved for history.
An inspiration unto all,
Giving hope to those who fall,
This—the best reward of all.
-M.M.
Gum Control
a short, comedic piece for two actors
The entirety of the action of this short script takes place in a generic school hallway with lockers. A Hall MONITOR paces the stage, waiting for the bell to ring. When it does, kids stream across the hall silently, allowing the Hall MONITOR to deliver lines audibly. Among the rabble is the STUDENT who is chewing gum.
MONITOR: (breathing in deeply) Ah. This is when I love life. The smells of the school hallway in passing period are always so … illuminating. (To STUDENT) Halt.
STUDENT: Who? Me?
MONITOR: Yes. You. Don’t move a muscle. (MONITOR sniffs
STUDENT excessively)
(Aside) They always think they can sneak it past me. But they can’t. We can do this the hard way, or the easy way. Which shall it be?
STUDENT: What? … Excuse me, but I’m going to be late for class. I have to… (Tries to walk away)
MONITOR: (stopping STUDENT) Fess up. You have it.
STUDENT: Have what?
MONITOR: Don’t play games with me. Is it a substance or an item? You know the answer.
STUDENT: You are really creeping me out. What is this all about?
MONITOR: Order is built on slave labor. Schools need order. Schools have students. Students are slaves. Slaves need hall monitors to keep them in order.
STUDENT: Are you just trying to validate your existence?
MONITOR: You…. (doesn’t say anything) You ask what this is all about? This is about keeping the peace. You are disrupting that peace. This is about… GUM CONTROL.
STUDENT: Gun control?
MONITOR: Gum control.
STUDENT: Gun control?
MONITOR: Gum-m control.
STUDENT: Gum control? Gum control? Are you serious?
MONITOR: Completely. Spit it out.
STUDENT: Here? In front of all these people?
MONITOR: Yes.
STUDENT: Do I have to?
MONITOR: YES.
STUDENT: But…
MONITOR: DO IT!
(STUDENT bends over as if to spit the gum out onto the ground)
Not on the ground! Here. . . (MONITOR pulls out a piece of
paper and hands it to STUDENT. STUDENT spits out the
gum into the paper and returns it to MONITOR, who
pockets the gum.)
STUDENT: There. Are you satisfied?
MONITOR: No.
STUDENT: No?
MONITOR: No.
STUDENT: Why?
MONITOR: Because.
STUDENT: Because is not a reason.
MONITOR: Why not?
STUDENT: Because it is.
MONITOR: Exactly.
STUDENT: What?
MONITOR: You just said that ‘Because’ is the answer. ‘Because it is.’
STUDENT: No! I… I … This is beside the point. You are harassing students.
MONITOR: Harassing them? Never. I protect them.
STUDENT: I feel harassed. Bullied even.
MONITOR: How ungrateful! I just saved your life!
STUDENT: Doubt it.
MONITOR: There was once a girl who went to this school. She chewed gum every day. I must have caught chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing every day. Chewing on Monday. Chewing on Tuesday. Chewing on Wednesday.
STUDENT: OK.
MONITOR: Chewing on Thursday. Chewing on Friday. Chewing on Saturday.
STUDENT: OK!
MONITOR: Chewing on SUNDAY!
STUDENT: Gasp.
MONITOR: That girl would blow bubbles right under my nose. So I told her: stop chewing gum or else it’ll be the end of the line for you, sister. Then one fateful May day little miss bubble gum comes skipping along the school hall and trips. Next thing you know, she’s blowing bubbles backwards. How do you feel about that?
STUDENT: Well… uh… I
MONITOR: Exactly. (MONITOR pulls out identical looking piece of gum
and begins chewing.)
STUDENT: But chewing gum is harmless.
MONITOR: That’s what they all say. The truth is gum is a gateway chew. First it’s juicy fruit, then Hubba-Bubba, then Trident, then 5, and then tobac…
STUDENT: Toba…?
MONITOR: To baseball chew. Then jail, where all you can chew on are the metallic tasting bars of your cell.
STUDENT: Do you have personal experience with that?
MONITOR: Of course not. I’m a hall monitor, not a felon.
STUDENT: You know chewing gum isn’t that bad. People have been doing it for ages.
MONITOR: Until they die.
STUDENT: But that doesn’t count! Everyone dies sometime.
MONITOR: But it doesn’t have to be from gum! Do you know how many kids die from gum each year?
STUDENT: I have no idea.
MONITOR: Me either.
STUDENT: Chewing gum fights halitosis which causes kids to lose focus in school. Even the teachers appreciate it.
MONITOR: Ha! You think the teachers are any kind of authority at this school? Well, I have news for you. They’re not. I am.
STUDENT: And you would pick on a poor, innocent little student like me, whose worst crime is nibbling gum. You wouldn’t pick on a child.
MONITOR: (aside) I hate when they give me the puppy-dog eyes. That pity card won’t work with me. I don’t need the stats to tell you the trouble gum causes. Take, for example, the bullying gum causes.
STUDENT: Bullying?
MONITOR: Yes. Bullying.
STUDENT: Really?
MONITOR: Yes. The big kid wants the little kid’s gum. The little kid won’t share. The big kid chews out the little kid. Horrible. Truly, horrible.
STUDENT: But, with all due respect, gum doesn’t chew out people. People chew out people.
MONITOR: Exactly.
STUDENT: What?
MONITOR: All this chewing wouldn’t be happening if gum was regulated the way it ought to be.
STUDENT: But…
MONITOR: No buts.
STUDENT: Well, there should be buts.
MONITOR: But…
STUDENT: No buts!
MONITOR: Touché. (MONITOR spits gum out into paper and pockets
it.) So what’s it going to be: the hard way or the easy way?
STUDENT: The easy way.
MONITOR: There is no easy way.
STUDENT: Then why did you offer it?
MONITOR: So the hard way then.
STUDENT: What do you mean?
MONITOR: The hard way of the law.
STUDENT: Which means…?
MONITOR: Your punishment. In order to convince students to cease their evil ways of chewing gum, I have concocted a fiendishly effective plan.
STUDENT: A plan?
MONITOR: Well you see it’s quite simple really. I do a little explaining, give you a gift, and you never chew gum again.
STUDENT: Ok. Sounds good.
MONITOR: Oh, it is. You see, the mouth naturally secretes saliva. Everyone has saliva, for better or for worse. In your case, it would be the worse. When humans speak, their heads are usually within a six inch height difference of each other. It is scientifically known that the average human spits at least twice per sentence, releasing saliva into the air at speeds so fast the naked eye only sees small shooting stars. Of course, these are not shooting stars, but globules of spit. Now, picture, if you will, that spit landing, as in all probability it would, in your mouth when you happen to bechewing gum. The gum soaks up the saliva and you are left chewing on someone else’s spit. Sounds tasty, eh?
STUDENT: That’s just a tall tale. That can’t be true.
MONITOR: Oh yeah? Well why don’t chemistry teachers let you chew gum in the lab?
STUDENT: Because Mr. Bubbles hates gum?
MONITOR: No! Because Mr. Bubbles knows the truth! He’s a chemistry teacher. He would know.
STUDENT: Oh.
MONITOR: So now I am going to give you back your gum. It really wasn’t that good. (MONITOR returns STUDENT’s gum
to STUDNET.) There. Chew on. You run along to class and remember that when you’re chewing gum, well, you know…
(STUDENT tentatively puts gum back in mouth and walks away.)
(Aside) How’s that for gum control?
-M.M.
Recharging
At times I collapse,
From needing my naps,
For wanting the afternoon Z’s,
So maybe perhaps,
I’ll fill in the gaps,
Recharging my sleep batteries.
-M.M.
