Category: Humorous Poems

Poems of irony, sarcasm, and wit

Google Translate Sings the National Anthem


I sent the words to “The Star-Spangled Banner”, the national anthem of the United States, through a bunch of languages in Google Translate and then back to English. The result was . . . unique.

Google Translate Sings “The Star Spangled Banner”

Aha! You say

in the light of the aurora.

See your sunset!

Bands of light and dramatic confrontation.

Today we are looking

 at the wall.

A bomb exploded at a red light.


it is consistent.

Bud, Stars, and Stripes.

This port

is home

to thousands

of Courage.


True Love

Llama Love

True Love


“You want to do WHAT?”

“Marry him.”

“But… he’s fictional—”

“And perfect.

“And I wrote him into existence.”

Romantic, isn’t it. I just can’t wait to—”


“So what?”

“So what what? Are you going to put the book on the altar and…”

“Yes. Won’t it be wonderful: I now pronounce you book and wife. You may now kiss the book.

“You’re unwell. I ought to call the—”

“Oh hush up. It’s true love. Don’t be jealous.”

“Jealous? I’ll try really hard.”

“You never were much of a Romantic.”

“That’s why I write about friendly, dignified, personified…”

“…DREAMY! Don’t forget to dreamy.”

dreamy, and apparently attractive llamas!”


Looks Like a Pretzel


Looks Like a Pretzel


He told me it looks like a pretzel, but isn’t.

But isn’t? What looks like a pretzel but isn’t?

A tangle of noodles? The Gordian knot?

A piece of pastrami that’s twisted a lot?

Infinity, broken and drooping? A sin?

The handles of scissors? A pretzel-shaped pin?

The shape of an ear if you squint your left eye

and turn your head sideways? A smile in the sky?

A shredded umbrella? The orange of a peel?

(Or peel of an orange if you get what I feel.)

Two italicized e’s with a mirror between?

The path of a shirt in a washing machine?

The wires in your brain? The shape of your heart?

A crumpled up dumpster posing as art?

He told me it looks like a pretzel, but isn’t.

But isn’t? Let’s just say it doesn’t.