Tag: funny

The Tiresome Job of Hiring Poems

a day in the life of a poetry-hiring professional

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Crossword Poem

D
T C R O S S W O R D F S A M
H N A W U
S M I L E S W R I T I N G L I M
N K A A N E S S B
Y B A C O N T H E H L
C L R D D L I
R A O O E O O N
P O E M S M U M B L I N G S G
S I S A T H I S
A T H I S A N D S
C H S W I S H D O N T L
R A O A A C R O S S
D O N T R M K S
S S A N D G E T T A K E
F A L S E N I H
M D E M A N D P O E M

Note: The following stanzas were constructed using only the words from the crossword above.

Crossword Poem

I.

This is that crossword poem

Swish! Blam!

Bacon Sam.

Random Mumblings on demand.

Don’t take down,

And don’t get lost,

Writing in the false across.

This is that crossword poem.

II.

This is random writing.

Crossword across and down.

Sam is lost.

Bacon is lost.

Take that down the poem.

False swish. BLAM!

This is writing.

Don’t.

III.

Sam is writing on bacon.

Don’t get lost in that crossword.

Writing on bacon is false mumblings.

Random demand: Swish that bacon!

Blam down and get lost.

Sam is writing on bacon.

-M.M.

True Love

Llama Love

True Love

 

“You want to do WHAT?”

“Marry him.”

“But… he’s fictional—”

“And perfect.

“And I wrote him into existence.”

Romantic, isn’t it. I just can’t wait to—”

“BUT HE’S NOT REAL.”

“So what?”

“So what what? Are you going to put the book on the altar and…”

“Yes. Won’t it be wonderful: I now pronounce you book and wife. You may now kiss the book.

“You’re unwell. I ought to call the—”

“Oh hush up. It’s true love. Don’t be jealous.”

“Jealous? I’ll try really hard.”

“You never were much of a Romantic.”

“That’s why I write about friendly, dignified, personified…”

“…DREAMY! Don’t forget to dreamy.”

dreamy, and apparently attractive llamas!”

 -M.M.

Some Say It

Google Translate is back. This time, Google Translate will be performing “Say Something” by A Great Big World. If you are unfamiliar with the song, check out the YouTube video below. It’s a one of my favorites from the past year and very sad song, but Google Translate has a knack for lightening the mood.

Some Say It

[Google Translate performs “Say Something” by A Great Big World]

I must say that.

You can give.

I want you to be.

They are everywhere!

I must say that.

 You can give.

So this is it.

This is a disaster.

I tripped.

I like to read; you should start.

I must say that.

 You can give.

Unfortunately, we did.

They are everywhere!

I speak.

I can give you my swallow-sense.

You are not in love.

And let us…

If possible?

And I—I cannot get upset.

And I’ll follow.

I must say that.

You can give.

I must say that you can give.

Some say it.

-M.M.

Google Gets Patriotic

lincoln

The following poem was inspired by a poem in which the book Genesis in the Bible was fed through all the languages in Google Translate and then back into Englishm where the poet repunctuated it. I used the same method in creating this poem.

Note: For those of you who may not be familiar with The Gettysburg Address, here is an Wikipedia article to tell you more about it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gettysburg_Address

The Googlesburg Address

[The Gettysburg Address as told by Google Translate]

They did come from four continents,

and years ago,

our ancestors who were born in freedom,

tied,

creating Equal.

Jakarta shall constitute a country.

We dedicate

a two-time hassle

Engaged in a major civil war,

Fighting in a major location,

In situations,

On time.

In this case, life is life.

We’re doing things right.

At this point people sense the age.

It is not clear.

We cannot add life and death.

These brave men,

the poorest in my language or comment,

increase pleasant.

It’s time to erase a memory.

Here they fought people.

I do not forget it.

Give generously.

Committed, in the middle of a war and in the community

—it’s why they have a prepared death.

Died for naught.

Bonds in the dead.

Measures to meet obligations.

They are done.

In freedom march.

Play a major upload function.

-M.M.